The Emotional Heaviness of the Weight Loss Mindset.
If someone offered you a million dollars for you to stay overweight for the rest of your life, would you take it? How about two million, or five? What if we weren’t talking about a few pounds but fifty pounds, or an extra hundred, or even two hundred? What would you do?
I know I would not take the money because it would mean I’d have to give up my fantasy of being thin and I’ve been overweight for two decades.
I wish I could say I wanted to lose weight for my health. To stay strong, and prevent osteoporosis or type two diabetes, but the truth is it’s about the way I look. I know this is a problem with my perception. That I don’t need to be “thinner” to wear whatever I want. But, in my mind, I do.
I know there must be women out there who are happy with their weight. Who stay body positive no matter their size. I’m just not one of them. I’ve always been disappointed in myself about my weight, even in my teenage years when I wore a size six, weighed 120, and still thought “if only I could lose those last ten pounds” I would be pretty. Clearly, I was deranged.
Alas, I am no longer a teenager and also nowhere near the weight I would like to be. Which isn’t impossibly skinny but a more realistic 150 or so. Yesterday was the first day I’d stepped on the scale in several months and I…
